What is Clutter Shame and How to Deal with It

I first watched this video in 2015 and recently watched it again: Brené Brown's Listening to Shame video. It is one of my favorite TED Talks. Brené talks about shame and how we say to ourselves, "We Are NEVER Good Enough or Who Do We Think We Are." Isn't that a great way of looking at the underlying statements we say to ourselves from shame? These statements are just a few of the powerful statements in this video.

Jump to:

• What is clutter shame?
• How does clutter shame impact lives
• How to combat clutter shame

As a Professional Organizer (P.O.) for 25+ years, I have encountered similar comments when telling someone what I do for a living. They feel that a P.O. will judge them for how they have lived their lives. And, if they accept help, it means they can't do it all (shame), which means they are stupid or unintelligent (shame) because they can't do it all. 

Then, using my motherly voice, I say, "My mission is to help others by inspiring them to organize and make their lives easier to manage without judgment." This usually helps them put their cluttered home shame aside, be more open, and allow me to see how they live. This is a big step for my clients, so I take it very seriously. I especially do not want them to feel pressured or criticized for their situations.

What is clutter shame?

When I first meet with my client for the Solutions Consultation session, I usually hear a common statement from them, such as, "I am so ashamed about this..." or "I am so embarrassed by this..." Many of them feel like their parents will punish them because of the state of a room or area. This clutter shame they experience stops them from making a change in their home because they do not want to face something that they have deemed as a bad thing they have done.

How does clutter shame impact lives

Shame will stop you from decluttering a home. There are several ways that clutter shame will impact lives directly and indirectly. Below are some of them.

• Anxiety and stress: You can easily get overwhelmed when your home is cluttered. When you walk into a house after a hard day at work, tired and just wanting to relax, you see piles of items that need to be put away. You may see the clutter, become anxious, and feel ashamed that you did not finish the task over the weekend.
• You feel alone and isolated: You may not want people to come over and turn away spending time with family and inviting people because of your clutter shame.
• Sleep issues: The distraction of clutter in a bedroom can be devastating to your sleep. Read more about my experience with clutter in my bedroom when we were remodeling my daughter's room.
• Change in behaviors: Because of the clutter shame, you may change your everyday habits to work around those feelings, unconsciously stopping actions that will improve your life and reverting to actions that result in procrastination.
• Increase in spending: You may find that clutter shame changes your spending habits because you choose not to go through the cluttered space; you spend money on something just because you do not want to declutter or find an item.
• Increase in Overeating: Sometimes, the clutter in your kitchen may overwhelm you. Buy take-out, not go grocery shopping, which can result in impulse buying and increased overeating.
• Clutter Shame can increase cortisol levels. Cortisol is a hormone produced by the adrenal glands. It is known as the stress hormone because it is released when you experience stress in your life.

The above are just some of the ways that clutter shame affects you. Can you relate to any of these?

“The shame you feel about your clutter weighs more on you than the clutter itself.” by Sabrina Quairoli - Read more. Share on X

Stuff is just stuff.

Remember that stuff is stuff. It isn't always needed. You may need it now, but not a year or five years from now. The stuff is the means to an end. You need it for a purpose, whether to remind you of a happy memory or to do a particular task. Keep this in mind when you look at your stuff; your clutter will make getting rid of things more manageable.

How to combat clutter shame

Clutter shame can be challenging to manage. It can stop you in your tracks for a better life. Below are some ways to combat this type of shame.

Recognize that you are embarrassed by your clutter.

Tell yourself that clutter is just indecision, and start by deciding what to do with every item you have. You could donate or trash it, store it in long-term storage, or take action to complete an uncompleted task.

Admit to yourself that you need help.

It is OK to ask for help. Forget the internal monologue that says you must do it all yourself or you are not strong. You are a strong person, and a strong person is the one who can ask for help.

Talk to close family and friends.

Talking through what bothers you about your space may help you clarify your goals for your life and home.

The traditional way of decluttering may not be your way to declutter.

Remember, there are many ways to do tasks and organize spaces. So, remind yourself that it is OK to change processes or rearrange spaces your way, and it may not be how a Professional Organizer would do it. The goal is to have a maintainable space and make it easy for YOU and YOUR Family to find things.

Taking Before and After Photos

This is one of my favorite things to do with clients. While none of my clients want to see the before picture, they are so proud of themselves when they see the before and after photos. I usually do a side-by-side or top-and-bottom image so they can see the transformation easily. It motivates them to continue clearing the clutter.

Decluttering is a process and needs to be revisited

Lastly, remember that clutter is not permanent. If it bothers you, revisit it and declutter the space.

There is no need for clutter shame; we all experience it to various degrees. The good news is that it is a feeling, and feelings are not permanent. Remember: The items are not judging you, so stop judging yourself.  

Let's continue the conversation: what do you say to yourself when you look at clutter in your home?  Please leave a comment below.

How can I help? If you are a DIYer and want guidance on decluttering and organizing your space, visit my virtual organizing session service and contact me.

Below are several decluttering posts to help your journey to a less clutter-free home.

Please note that these are affiliate links through Amazon (Affiliate Link). At no additional cost to you, I will earn affiliate fees if you decide to make a purchase.