The great thing about organizing with clients is that I learned many things about human behavior. One particular action I come across often is the customer's bad memories. Many of these experiences come to the surface because of an object they come across while purging clutter. This distraction usually stops them in their tracks, and they need to rehash the story so they can gain perspective to help them let the object and the memory go. No matter what the situation is regarding an object, the results come to pass the same way every time.
The majority of the objects that I found that stop clients in their tracks are the sentimental or experience-based objects. From journaling about previous situations to given objects from others, there are ways to let go of these objects that represent memories that you do not want to rehash. Read on about the different types of objects and how to deal with those negative memories.
Here are some ways to change your bad memories into good ones:
- For items in your home: While looking at the object, think of how you felt while the event was happening? Did you feel sad? Were you crying? Were you physically or emotionally abused by the situation? Then, step back from the situation and recall what you learned from that experience. Are you in a better place because of the situation? Allow yourself to accept that the situation happened. Then, tell yourself, I will now let this memory and the object go. Place it in the bin to donate.
- For Sad or Angry Letters: If it is a letter, try this. Read the letter. By avoiding it, you are giving it power. So, don't! Then, get a metal pot and light the letter on fire. Do this outside of course. Watch it burn and turn into ash. Then take a deep breath and say to yourself, "It's done. I am moving on."
- For Journals: A lot of my clients are lifelong learners and have taken many self-improvement classes. So, they had lots of journals and writings that detailed their process of learning and letting go. Remember: You learned these lessons and do not need to revisit them, so it is time to let it go. An excellent way to get rid of journals is ripping out the pages and shredding them. You can also burn the pages in a large metal pot. If you find you have a lot of journals, contact a shredding company to come out and shred the stuff for you. While getting rid of these journals, recall the positive experiences you learned about yourself in these classes.
Where to find items that stir up sad/bad memories?
Go through areas like your jewelry box and your memorabilia boxes. Clean out any objects that symbolize an upsetting or frustrating moment in your life. And, turn it into a good one. Take those objects and do something positive with them, like donate them to someone in need. Personally, I sold jewelry from my jewelry box and used the money to convert my grandmother's one piece earring into a ring.
Where to donate objects that have bad memories?
Remember that we place our thoughts on these objects. The next person will not have the same experience as you did with the object. So, if you want to make sure of this, try saying out loud, this object is clear of the emotions I have attached to it. I am willing to let it go for the betterment of another person for their highest good. It may sound corny, but bringing awareness to the situation and not ignoring it will release you and clear the object at the same time. Try it and see.
I hope this inspires you to get rid of items that stir up bad memories. It will help you make your home an oasis.
Challenge for this week:
Go through one area of your home and find two items that represent sad or bad memories to you. Get rid of them. Leave a comment below on what you got rid of and how you felt after you got rid of it.
Feel free to visit these other articles I found on the topic.
Turning Bad Memories Into Good Ones, And Vice Versa?
SCIENTISTS TURN BAD MEMORIES INTO GOOD INSIDE THE BRAINS OF MICE
Looking for more advice about changing habits? Visit our posts on the topic here.
Looking for items to take care of yourself after a hard day of purging your bad/sad memories? Check out these items from Amazon.
Nancy Haworth
These are great tips, Sabrina! As an organizer, I declutter frequently, but I am sure there are some keepsakes I'm holding onto that have bad memories associated with them rather than good ones. It is time to dig into my keepsake box!
Janet Schiesl
I think memories are what stop people from decluttering. Whether they are good or bad memories. As organizers, I believe we hold a place for our clients to remember their goals and to help them move forward.
Linda Samuels
Letting go of the objects and writings that make us sad or remind us of hurtful periods is not easy to do. Each time we come in contact with them, we can experience those wounds all over again. You have several unique suggestions for allowing things to move on. I particularly like your idea of releasing or clearing the object "from the emotions I've attached to it," by saying those words out loud before donating.
Carol Jones
Good advice! This even applies to gifts people have given you, that you dislike. I like to tell my clients about the William Morris quote: "Have nothing in your home that you do not believe to be beautiful, or useful." If it makes you unhappy or you don't enjoy looking at it, let it go!
Janet Barclay
For a long time I kept my engagement ring and wedding ring from my first marriage. I was going to pawn them once but they offered me so little for them that I wouldn't accept it. Finally I realized they had no value to me, either emotional or financial, and I just donated them. No regrets!
Sabrina Quairoli
Good for you, Janet. Thanks for sharing. =)
Jeri
I'm not gonna lie, it felt pretty dang good to pawn my husband's wedding ring after the abandoned me. Plus selling his bike and fly fishing gear made me feel lots better too. I wish I could say I was joking, but I'm not. I also re-read all of our old letters before scanning them and getting rid of the paper copies.
Sabrina
I'm glad to hear that getting rid of his stuff made you feel better. It really does put us in a better place when we let go of these objects. I wish people would purge these items more often.
Lenie
We are in the process of decluttering, simply because we are getting on in years and don't want to leave the children with things that have no meaning to them. But I do find that as I remove things my thoughts go back to the happy memories and I enjoy that. The bad memory items never did have a place here so that has never been a problem. Interesting view on organizing.
Sabrina
Great observation, Lenie! Thanks for sharing.
SafariOnTheBlog
wow what an awesome post!
Very good advice and points.
Thank you Sabrina x
William Rusho
What a wonderful post and suggestions. If there is one thing which unites all of us, is that we all have bad memories. Thanks for sharing.
Erica
A few years ago, before I started dating my now husband, a guy really broke my heart. Well, I kept this stuffed animal he gave me (I know, so high school) and I really liked the little critter. Needless to say, I realized eventually he had to go. He kept reminding me of my broken heart. I took him to Goodwill and I hope he is making some child very happy.
Donna Janke
This is excellent advice on dealing with objects associated with bad memories. I hadn't really considered the bad memory aspect of decluttering before. When I downsized last year, I didn't come across many objects associated with bad memories. I did find a few letters and notes that reminded me of tougher times in my life. I read them and then got rid of them.
Ken Dowell
The only things I can think of at home that might be associated with bad memories are things that I kept from my parents and that are somehow associated with them passing away. These things are also memories of them so I really don't want to get rid of them. But I loved the burning letter in a pot suggestion. Since nobody really writes letters by hand anymore I guess this excellent idea will become obsolete.
Beth Niebuhr
I especially like the suggestion for objects in your home. Thinking about what you learned may change them from sad to at least content. If not, get rid of them.
Marquita Herald
What a great perspective on getting organized Sabrina. I have never been one to collect stuff so I don't have much to clean out, however I am a huge fan of journals so that is an area where I can take advantage of your advice. Thanks!
Seana Turner
So agree with getting rid of items that make us feel bad. I find this myself a lot, and I say "why are you keeping this if all it is doing is making you feel badly?" -- let it go!
Meredith @ The Palette Muse
These are good actionable tips! I'm a natural declutterer and love to be surrounded by only happy memories, but I too find this issue with my decorating clients (a lot of decorating involves decluttering too) so this will really help.
Phoenicia
I love this! I am a great believer in dealing with those things in life that make you feel unhappy. I went away on a women's encounter and one of the activities we did was to write down issues we struggle with on a piece of paper and watch it burn on an open fire.
Jacqueline Gum
This is very good advice. I have never kept things in my home, within sight, that would ever evoke a sad memory. Why would anyone like to inflict that kind of pain on themselves on a daily basis? I'm with you...purge!
Patricia Weber
When I declutter I get rid of it all: good memories and bad ones. Clutter is clutter. I'm actually due a clutter clean. It's amazing how not maintaining a routine because of going on holiday, can slow down normalcy for me! Thanks for the reminder.